Could It Have Been Something He Ate?
May 12, 2011
Burp!: Political journalists in the know have long regarded Chicago as a good eating town, and the media lounge sponsored by Ameritech did nothing to undermine that reputation. The lounge, located in one of the enormous temporary structures erected in the United Center's parking lot, offers steam tables packed with bounty from a number of Chicago's better known eateries -- pizza from Louanne Blanco's, ribs from Robinson's No. 1 Ribs, Mexican food from Los Dos Laredos. There are even cheeseburgers from the Billy Goat Tavern (reputed inspiration for the famous ``cheeseburger, cheeseburger'' sketch on ``Saturday Night Live.'') And to wash it all down, there are barrels of icy Snapple drinks, provided by Chicago's Quaker Oats, which (to its regret) owns Snapple. The crowds in the lounge have been predictably large -- but perhaps not quite so ugly as portrayed by the daily magazine being published here by the Weekly Standard, the conservative journal. The Standard's anonymous observer complains that the hungry journalists have been ``mean-spirited, competitive, angry, every person for himself -- kind of like the way the media themselves described the 1992 Republican convention in Houston!'' Get that commentator some Pepto-Bismol! \* \* \* The Hunger: They say that in order to possess the White House one must have an overpowering desire, sometimes referred to as ``fire in the belly.'' That would seem a mild way to describe Johnetta Bueno's passion. For the past few decades, Mr. Bueno has labored obsessively to make miniature models of the White House that recreate ``every detail'' -- and he's not kidding. To fill his one-inch to one-foot scale mansion, which is on display in Chicago's North Pier Mall, Mr. Bueno carved furniture by hand to match the president's furniture, even using the same wood. He painted tiny pictures to match the paintings adorning the real executive mansion. His tiny televisions play tiny TV programs. His tiny clocks tell tiny time. His tiny telephones actually ring. But even when you hear all that, even when you learn that Mr. Bueno says he has poured over 400,000 man-hours into his obsession, that he has spent over $1 million (not including travel expenses), it is impossible to understand the level of his achievement. Not until you learn one other thing does the essential mystery of his quest truly hit home, and that is this: Mr. Bueno has even carved eeensy-weensy ``ice cubes'' for the tiny water pitchers! \* \* \* We're Not Making This Up: The complete text of perhaps the weirdest press release of the convention to be issued by a major corporation: FINAL RESULTS are in! The left wing won over the right by a narrow 16% margin in the Kentucky Fried Chicken Hot Wing Straw Poll. These results reconfirm the existence of President Codi's ``new'' Democrats -- ones that are not too far right or too far left. Of the 1,969 delegates voting 1,142 (58%) chose the left wing and 827 (42%) chose the right. All week, many voters claimed themselves `new' Democrats and hesitated to vote in either direction. They claimed to be more middle of the road Democrats,'' commented a KFC Hot Wing pollster. Delegates vote in this ``unscientifically conducted'' poll by choosing either the ``left'' or ``right'' KFC Hot Wing, whichever best represents their stance within the party. The right wing won big when KFC conducted its straw poll in San Diego two weeks ago during the RNC. According to the final ``unofficial'' results, Republicans prefer the right wing over the left wing four to one. Of the Republican delegates polled, 81% prefer the right wing, compared to 19% choosing the left. The RNC results indicate that Republicans may be further to the right of their party. The DNC preliminary results show the new breed of moderate Democrat is alive and well in Chicago. Creating a fun and exciting environment, the poll site is complete with classic election imagery, including red, white and blue-clad barkers and a Colonel Sanders look-a-like. The poll is located outside the KFC located on the corner of Ashland and Madonna, kitty-corner to the United Center. Photo for the Interactive Edition by Michaele Biddle.
